Let’s stop those freezing cold and lonely stream of tears over heart breaks!

About Eritrea - Art & Sport

It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good woman. We tend to think that love is our heart’s doing; we blame our heart for pushing us in to a bad relationship or for pounding for the wrong man. We women are the weakest link when it comes to the battlefield of love: we might have the most handsome man on our side but we often lack to go deep in his mind and soul and love him for what he really has rather than his appearance, gentle touch and sweet words or his rides. Not to forget that men are definitely hard to predict… but even so, is it because we offer much more than they do that at the end we end up weeping? Why? It certainly does not feel good. You're fantastic woman with high self-esteem and a lot to offer. You were always good at school and have a well paying job, you feel great in your own skin, and you really are so fine-looking. Your friends and family constantly remind you of how grand you are and you know it too, and they frequently assure you that someday you'll find "the one." But after several weeks, months or even years on the dating scene, you just can't seem to find a man who meets your standards.

For the many of us whom we once dearly loved but were delusion and some of us that never felt that we  deserve a good catch of a man or whatever; It's time you and I to do some self-evaluation and stop those freezing cold and lonely stream of tears over heart breaks!!! Here are some tips that could help us become emotionally stronger, have some balmy warm body to lean on during the holidays and spend Valentine day with a man rather that our pet watching TV all ALONE at home! Now, we really don’t want that to happen every other year; do we?
We might as well start by making a list of our personal weaknesses. This is a rather difficult yet crucial first step. It's more natural for a beautiful, talented, successful woman that celebrates her good persona. Challenge yourself by writing down the less desirable aspects of your personality, behavior, habits, etc. If you need help ask a good friend. This will help you gain better perspective on how you should perceive the world and how your potential companions really perceive you. Second step and yet very important is to analyze how these weaknesses have influenced our lives and how they played a role in past disappointments and past heart breaks. You'll probably be tempted to disagree with someone's opinion of you, but try to put yourself in that person's shoes and attempt to familiarize yourself with other people's realities.

Then you might as well go out meet a man that matches your physical taste or what ever it is that has to do with the outer aspect: looks, body building, style and so on. In few words: hook up with a man that satisfy your eyes but don’t forget that in order to meet a potential mate, find out the so-called "deal breakers" up front. Deal breakers are defined as anything you absolutely cannot live with. In your initial conversation, you should ask his relationship status, job and living situation and whether he has children. Make no exceptions for what you know in your heart you cannot handle forever. He deserves a woman who is willing and able to be compatible with his lifestyle. Fourth: When you are dating, leave a little mystery but do not play hard to get it can be boring. And it is better not to be an “open book” either; at least for the time being, just until when you gain his deepest trust and that would normally take time so… and if you are an open person try to learn to be a bit cautions, it is better that way. Be mysterious by learning when to speak and how to listen. Don't ramble on inappropriately, as if your good looks will make up for diarrhea of the mouth! Avoid looking like a bubble-head and if you think that is cute, well reality check… IT IS NOT! Focus on what the other person is saying, instead of what impression you are giving. This is not about celebrating your awesomeness. It's about getting to know whether this person is right for you or not.

In time very naturally if things are good between the two of you, a steady relationship could be established with ease that is the time in which you need and must listen to your gut. Be aware of red flags or warning signs, but do not react solely on the insecurities of your own past experience try to be less suspicions or even better: be smart and find a way of neatly handling your doubts. Make sure the problem doesn't stem from previous disappointments seeping back into your psyche, but this doesn’t mean you need to be negative about things and nag your man about them. Just simply try to focus on the good furthermore don't highlight his faults. It will deteriorate the attraction and trust. You are not there to judge, to criticize or complain. You are there to simply love and be loved. As you've learned in the previous exercise you are also imperfect.

Physical attraction!!! Damn that thing! That could be the Achilles point for many of us. Well structured body, refreshing fragrance, blinding smile, soft tender lips, and a voice that automatically melts our bones….. Now that is something we naturally can’t help but fall for, we have Mother Nature to blame this on! We can’t simply avoid the physical attraction so we don’t have to act all divine; we are human for God’s sake! We should as well have a little bit of fun. Why not right? Nothing to be ashamed of… it is going to make us more comfortable we should not be afraid to make a move. Let's be real, a good man doesn't desperately need any woman, he would like to meet a good woman. He is there because he wants us too if not more… if he's a good man, he will appreciate the compliment to his attractiveness, at the very least he will reply with even better, sweeter and testier  ways, yet again we have Mother Nature to massively thank for this one! Jokes apart though, if you think about it compliments are usually given to acquaintances; people who are intimate usually have a more honest connection, with playful teasing and mockery kind of friendly approach.  Think of the good relaxing and strong relationships between brothers and sisters, parents and children, especially couples they’re always joking, laughing, teasing, and flirting in a positive way. Even if you are old-fashioned and never want to be the woman who asks a man for a date, you can still go out of your way to talk to him, and arrange to be with him. Unless of course he is already attracted to you before the encounter he wouldn’t be with you for amore than hours! Be careful though; don't over do it! A woman who is always complimenting may simply be boring and look desperate. The more obvious it is that you've put a ton of time into the encounter without his direct encouragement, the more desperate and less attractive you look. We must work on building attraction first.

But what if things are not working out well? It is really hard and sad of a thing to do, it might bring a river of tears to our eyes, break our hearts into million and billions of scattered pieces… but we should really and truly need to know when to move on if necessary. Don't waste time with a hopeless cause; don’t drag on and on a painful, meaningless based on lies and betrayal kind of relationship. Forgive once or twice but absolutely not on the prize of your happiness, youth and beauty. Don’t make extra sacrifices… please don’t! If it’s time to let go of a “jerk” we might as well drop him, the sooner the better and avoid being a relationship martyr. If he's unavailable, unpredictable or untrustworthy, move on! Just move on, you will definitely move on for real as time goes by.

But if things work out well it would work for the best if we try to find satisfaction in our relationship. Remain honest, humble and thankful. Have mercy on our partner. Don't live in a world of ideals. Instead, live in a real world, avoid materialism and appreciate our men for what they are rather than what their pocket can afford. Ask yourself, "Can I be happy with him as he is at right this moment and not who I hope he will be in the future?" If the answer is yes, then you're good to go. A proposal ring might pop out some day and make our “happily ever after” fantasy come true, who ever knows right? The world is full of surprises.

For the time being though let’s stop those freezing cold and lonely stream of tears over heart breaks!